We waited in the Urologist's office, and waited...me on the edge of the examining table, my legs feeling even more Lilliputian than normal as they dangled awkwardly towards the floor while my wife squatted on a small rolling stool. We held hands but spoke very little; both of us deep in thought, prayer, contemplation, whatever your word of choice is for hoping beyond hope for good news while simultaneously steeling one's self for the possibility that it just might not come.
It did not come...
I think years of bad television drama had led me to believe that moments like this play out with great fanfare and drama with weepy melodramatic strings playing a haunting theme while boxes of Kleenex and words of comfort from an unnaturally handsome Doctor are dispensed. This was nothing like that at all. It went more like; sound of door opening, sound of door closing, footsteps, insert quick clinical greeting, squeak of the chair, and..."Hmmm, well, you have no sperm".
Life, "has a way of pulling down your trousers and giving you a swift kick in the ass", I could almost hear my Grandfather say, and boy did I feel the sting of that size 13 boot that I pulled out of my butt that morning. Suddenly there we were; "that couple", officially infertile, initially devastated, but unwavering in our resolve and the promise we made to each other, long before all of this played out, that we would do, "whatever it takes".
6 comments:
I've been waiting for that music for years now! Weird how it never comes, even when everything falls apart. Why can't we just play ourselves on TV? That would be so much more fun...
Here from LFCA. My hubs has got the sperm, but I've got wonky ovaries... You never can win, can you?
Came here from LFCA.My husband has azoo too and it is such a devastating diagnosis. Not only does it hurt you individually and as a couple, but it has a weird social stigma. I look forward to following your journey. I have a blog that I made private when we started DI. If you want to read you can email me at somewhatordinary at gmail dot com.
Wishing you all the best!
Thanks for your comment. My husband's urologist doesn't usually do a TESE unless timed during an IVF cycle, since such small sperm amounts don't typically survive a thaw. So, we wouldn't know until the day before or day of an egg retrieval.
He would, but then we would have to wait at least 6 months and B would have to have the procedure done again, and that just doesn't sound fun!
Welcome! Although we wish you weren't here, if you know what I mean. My husband was diagnosed with NOA about 5 years ago, so I can relate a little bit to what you guys are going through, and I'm so sorry.
We took two paths: my husband's brother agreed to be a known sperm donor, and we also pursued the varicocelectomy with IFV/ICSI, and that was ultimately successful for us. I'm looking forward to reading your story, and just let me know if you need anything. Such a supportive group of people here!
Betsy
It's A Zoo Around Here
Thanks for your comment on my blog...
Keep up the writing. It's great to hear from the guys.
-D.
My internal music during these situations is always dun Dun DUNNNNNNN!
I'm sorry you've found yourselves among the ranks, but this section of the ALI community has some fine bloggers!
My husband was diagnosed with obstructive azoospermia in November 2005 and we've tried various things since including IVF with TESA and dIUIs. Keep up the blogging... it's great to hear from the male perspective!
Leslee
babyattheend
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